If you are one of my male readers...you may want to just skip this one......that is your warning.
As I made my way to bed last night, doubled over in pain, Big Daddy decided THAT was the appropriate time for me to give him a science lesson. Annoyed, I thought I would take the opportunity to give a little lesson of my own.....read on.....
"What's wrong with you?" he asked.
"I'm ovulating and it's painful!" I seethed through gritted teeth pulling up a pillow.
"Is that when you make an egg?" he asked, stupified.
"Uh, what? Yea, yea now leave me alone." as I rolled over.
"You know, some women sell their eggs for like 10 grand." he said suddenly interested.
Now, this is where it gets good. First of all, if he was dumb enough to continue to talk when I specifically told him to leave me alone, then he needed to learn a good lesson. Second of all, thinking about making money off my misfortune....he has gone too far!
Intrigued, I rolled back over to face him.
"Wow, really?" as I played dumb.
"Yea, they do. We should do that. Your not using them anyway.", as his excitement grew, "What happens to the eggs anyway?"
"Well, after I ovulate, the next day it usually just falls into the toilet and I flush it. Sometimes I hear it ting when it hits the basin." as I continued to play his game.......
"REALLY?", as I watch the wheels start to turn in that big, thick head of his.
"Uh-huh....I guess I could catch it in a strainer tomorrow and we can look into how we go about selling it." Ah-hah....I got you know....by the...oh well....you get the picture...but it's not comfortable....for the male species that is.
"That would be so cool.....if we do that every month we could make a fortune!" the "uncomfortable" man stated.
At that, I rolled back over....and waited. 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds.........
"Are you really going to do that?" he questioned me with that "there has to be a catch here" with a "I am almost shitting myself" tone to his voice.
Wait for it, wait for it, wwwaaaaittttt..............face him one more time.......
"No!"
I married an agricultural scientist. I've never had a conversation EVER in 20 years like this... but it is flipping HILARIOUS THAT YOU DID. I also like that you used the word "ting."
Posted by: Beth from the Funny Farm | 16 June 2008 at 08:00 PM
LMAO - that is HILARIOUS. Never mind the whole "giving away my possible children" thing. Love the "ting" sound when the egg hits the basin. I once instructed my husband to take the roast chicken out. Told him the popper would pop up when it was done. He asked "Will it make a sound?" I looked him dead in the eye and said "Yes. It says "Attention! The chicken is ready!"
Posted by: Sue | 13 June 2008 at 01:33 PM
Why did God make men so clueless?
Posted by: Darcie | 12 June 2008 at 12:08 PM
I read the warning. And proceeded with caution. I can see why you didn't want my gender to read it. It's obvious. Clear as day. You women, with this incredible money making potential, would rather make us men work, and work hard. Hmmm. Maybe you (the collective you) have been doing this all along and have a swiss bank account building. Yes, I'm sure that's it. It's not like us men could be missing something here, right?
Posted by: Robert | 12 June 2008 at 09:03 AM
That is hilarious!! I'm sorry you were in so much pain though. Why can't they just learn to be quiet and let us sleep??
Posted by: Mel | 11 June 2008 at 10:49 PM