STINKY JOHN JONES

Lightening

When I went to bed last night, it was raining.  When I woke up this morning, it was raining. 
Only, I also had a flat tire.

Not completely flat, just flat enough where I would have to stop at the gas station on my way to work
and fill it, to get me even further to the mechanic. 

I should have known when I saw that tire.....it wasn't going to be a wow-wee fan-freakin-tastic day. 

So, it began with a flat tire. 

"Dave!  My tire is flat!" I said loudly into the phone.
"Huh.  I guess your day is just as crappy as mine." he answered.
"Why?" I mumbled because his day couldn't possibly be as bad as mine.
"Well.  When I went to get dressed this morning, I couldn't find my work clothes." he complained, "BUT, when I opened the washer lid, there they were!  Still wet!"

Oops, as I hit the end button.  No use listening to him wallow in it. 

I looked at the clock, and my tire.  Not enough time to call a tow-truck no matter how much I want to avoid the rain. 
So we took our chances, drove slow, and filled the tire up at the station. 

I dropped kid number 2 off first.  Came out, checked the tire and continued on to drop kid number 1 at school.
Quickly kicked  kissed her goodbye, checked the tire again, and drove for the highway.

At this point, it's raining pretty good.  But not too heavy.  Probably not quite normal wiper speed yet the click below is not enough. 

*program interruption for a rant* 

    WHY!  Why is it that you can never regulate the wiper speed?  It's either not swiping enough and you eventually get to the 'HOLY CRAP, I CAN'T SEE THE ROAD!' right before the next swipe.......OR it's swiping so much that you get that chalkboard effect where the wipers hop over the glass to and fro. 

*rant over, continue on*

Anyway, I am driving along minding my own business in the right lane since I have a bum tire and don't have a blow-out death wish when suddenly I watch my driver's side wiper attack the passenger side one, bend it up and fling it across the windshield. 

"What the hell!" I scream pumping my fists and banging on the window from the inside. 
The rain was definitely not letting up, and without the wipers I couldn't see. 
No way was I hanging my head out the window in the rain.  Besides, even if I wanted to, that road is heavily traveled by quarry dump trucks that are just slightly wider than the lane.  No use giving CSI an episode idea. 
So I dealt with it.  Wipe, nails on a chalkboard, wipe, nails on a chalkboard, wipe, nails on a chalkboard, wipe, nails on a chalkboard, wipe, nails on a chalkboard, wipe, nails on a chalkboard, wipe for at least 5 more miles. 

Finally, I pulled into the mechanic's (who happens to be a friend) and he comes out and hops in the car.
We have this agreement where he drops me at work then takes my car and fixes it.  When he's done, he brings it back.  I kinda big red heart love this agreement, no waiting. 

"Hey!  My wiper assaulted the other one!"  I said, as he crawled into the car grumbling about having to move kids toy, baseball bat, glove, purse and a Tupperware container full of half eaten pancakes from Stink's breakfast from the passenger seat so he could sit down. 
"I can see that.  How couldn't I. The one is all bent and flailing around." he mumbles, unamused, 

Upon my arrival at work the rain picked up.  Almost pouring at this point with dark, cloudy skies. 
I hopped out of the car, and ran for it. 
Today, with my luck, lightening will strike.   And there is no way in hell I am wasting my luck on lightening and not the lottery. 
Not today. 

Besides, if that happened, I would have missed the call where I am told I need TWO tires, oil change and front brakes on top of new wipers.  Oh, and my inspection is up next month so might as well throw that in for another hundred spot. 

Public transportation is looking mighty fine right about now.  If only I could get the bus to pick me up at my front door. 

Interview of a Mommy by Stinky

Remember this?   Chachi's interview?  Well, it only took a good month for Stink's turn. 
Enjoy!  And remember....he's only two so some answers....well....you'll see. 

1. What is something mom always says to you?  I'm on the 'puter! 
Um, ah, well....no comment. 

2. What makes mom happy?  *he laughs*

3. What makes mom sad? Um, I wanna monster truck

4 How does your mom make you laugh?  You laugh  *pointing to my lips*

5. What did your mom like to do when she was a child?  Go on monster trucks

6. How old is your mom? 2

7. How tall is your mom?  *he showed me his hand*

8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV?  Monster trucks

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?  Juicy

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? I dunno  *as he shrugs*

11. What is your mom really good at? outside

12. What is your mom not very good at?  outside
not enough practice?

13. What does your mom do for her job?  get bubblegum

14. What is your mom's favorite food?  Eat

15. What makes you proud of your mom?  Eat

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?  A monster truck

17. What do you and your mom do together? Spiderman        Again, no comment.

18. How are you and your mom the same?  We are teddy bears

19. How are you and your mom different? Cars

20. How do you know your mom loves you?  *He hugged me*

 

Dirty Laundry

Sunday was a bright and sunny day. 
And with bright, sunny and refreshing warmth, comes......a broken dryer. 

Unfortunately for us, Sunday was to be laundry day.  Which meant that we did not have very many clean clothes.   Well, at least me, since my things are always last to get done. 

Fast forward to Tuesday.  Today. 

After scrounging around my closet for a while (in the dark since the kiddies were still sleeping, in my bed,and we all know you never wake a sleeping kiddie.  Kinda like a bear.  They get real grumpy and could quite possibly eat you for breakfast) I finally found a pair of jeans.  And a cute, longish sweater, which will be important later. 

Blah blah blah, the usual morning routine, drop the kids off, go to work, pick the kids up and end up back home again.  Your normal week day. 

It was about 7pm.  I was in the hall way, bending over to pick up a toy or ball or whatever was thrown on the floor after use. 

Rrrrrrrrriiiiiippppppppppp!

Huh, I thought.  Wonder what that was as I reached for my behind out of instinct.

Oh             My               God!

"Dave!  Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave!" I scream just in case he didn't hear my the first time.
"What?" he answers annoyed from the other room.
"I have a hole in my pants!" I yell back.
"So." he says.
"No, you don't understand!  I totally forgot these jeans had a hole in the butt!"
"So."
"NO!  YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I yell shrilly for effect, "I WENT TO WORK WITH A HOLE IN MY BUTT!"

Laughter immediately follows.  Not by me. 

"Let me see.  Bend over." he tells me as he walks into the hallway.
"No!  They just ripped more!"
"Bend over!" he says while not successfully holding in his laughter.
"Okay.  Tell me how noticeable this is." as I turn around.

More laughter.

"Seriously!  How bad is it?" I plead.
"Not bad really.  Your sweater covers most of it." he replies.
"Most?"
"Yea.  I doubt anyone was looking at your butt anyway." he answers.

Oh no he didn't.

"Why wouldn't they look at my butt?" I ask.
"No.  I'm not saying it like that." he stammers and begins to back-pedal, "I meant professionals don't look at butts.  Not that your butt isn't look-able.  It's just that, well, you don't work at a construction site."
"Why?  You look at butts when you are on site?" I ask with the look.  You know, the LOOK.
"No, no. Not me.  But the other guys." as I watch his face turn red with the pleading eyes. 

And THAT is how I stopped the laughter.
Plus I threw in a Home Depot run just to add a little insult to injury.
Besides, Mama needs a dryer.  And if she needed it at the most inconvenient hour, well, score for her.
Maybe he will think twice next time about insulting my butt.   Hole and all.

Frogs

Have you ever seen a frog in the water?  Nothing visible except their eyes, sticking out, surveying their surroundings like a submarine. 
Here, just in case you can't conjure up that mental image....

Well, thats how I feel. 
Literally. 
It's like two steps forward and three back.

Get one kid to sleep early, the other is awake until almost midnight.

Two loads of laundry done, five left.

Kitchen spotless, bathroom/bedrooms/living room looks like a tornado came through.

Playroom just about complete and ready for carpet, storage room attached to it just beginning construction. 
And have I mentioned that a 4 week project turned into 14?  Cause it did.  Literally.  And still counting. 

I have a pathway to the computer and through to the living room, as the rest of the dining room is storage for the two incomplete rooms above. 
I had to just about climb over a mountain to feed the guinea pig. 

Let the dog out Saturday around 11am.  Then I took the kids out for the day.  Upon arriving home at 7pm I noticed said dog at the gate.  I forgot him.  All day.  Outside.  And he's a chihuahua. 
Thank God he's fat, no chance a hawk could fly away with him for dinner. 

Oh, and I found a mound of cookies in Stink's bed.  Apparently he has been hording them like a hamster.  *reminder*  Need to stop that child from watching CNN....recession is getting to him. 

And I just figured out we could have gone to Disney World on what it cost to rehab these two rooms.  In luxury to boot.
A vacation would have been nice. 

So, like I was saying.  A frog.  Under water.  Only I don't have gills. 

 

Virus Free and Lovin' It!

Well......I have reached the other side.  Of operating systems that is.  And it's wonderful!

In one fell swoop, I have incinerated the Trojans and ditched Windows.  This computer is now running strictly Open Source software.....with a little Wine added in to allow for some Windows based program work-arounds, like my dearly beloved Photoshop and of course iTunes.

Now I'm about to upload my pictures and videos so we'll see what happens.   Of course, I'll let you know how it works out. 

Make sure you check back. 

Oh yea.  It seems as if I have an award waiting for me.  It shouldn't be too long before I get to that.  And a review too!  And maybe a giveaway!  Things are looking up here.  Except for that pesky frozen pipe this morning.  But, they are definitely looking up, as it didn't burst which could have been a whole helleva mess. 

TTFN.

Mommy Tantrums

If you hate rants, then hit the back button because this one is gonna be a doozy. 

First off, a little update on Bumps.  Seems as if Chachi lucked out. No black eye, and very little swelling the second day.  By today, you wouldn't even know it happened.......which was great.  I sweated it out all night wondering if her Teacher was going to think we beat her. 

Now, onto some virtual screaming...........BEGIN RANT.....

My van.  Uh-huh.  My van had a slight transmission problem about two weeks ago.  No, exactly two weeks ago tonight.  For some reason it didn't like reverse, as in when you shifted into reverse it didn't work.  So it took a ride on the great flat bed truck of joy to the mechanic.  By Friday of that week, I still hadn't heard back from him, so I made the call. 
"Something wrong with the transmission." was the answer I got.

*head slap head slap*  

Now it's Monday, exactly one week later from the initial break down. 
Call again.

"Waiting for the transmission guy to call back."  was the answer I got.

Wednesday.  FINALLY, at the transmission place 9 DAYS LATER!

AND NOW IT'S MONDAY AGAIN.  FREAKING TWO WEEKS LATER AND HAVEN'T HEARD BACK! 

You remember that woman on television who ran over the guy with her car and then backed over him again.  Well, very soon that could be me.  Only I would have to push the car back over him since I STILL don't have reverse (as far as I know) and believe me, I WOULD FREAKING PUSH IT!!!

END RANT. 

Oh, by the way.  Our mechanic is a very good friend.  So we are treading lightly here. 

BEGIN RANT.....

The weather.  Let's talk about the inconvenience of cold weather, shall we.  Starting off with coats.  When you have your morning routine worked out to the exact second, adding two coats doesn't help.  Next, try getting two kids in puffy coats into their car seats.  Picture me, in a very low sporty car since MY VAN IS IN THE SHOP AND I AM STUCK DRIVING DAVE'S TWO DOOR WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY AWFUL, climbing into the VERY SMALL back seat struggling with straps and buckles of car seats all while two kids are screaming that I am pinching their legs. 

Now, today was a colder than normal morning. So we had two sets of gloves, two hats and two VERY PUFFY COATS!  I AM SCREAMING HERE I AM SCREAMING HERE

Now, try carrying a school bag, diaper bag, purse, two lunch boxes and a plastic grocery bag with a return that needs to be made on my lunch hour out to the car while wearing gloves and a BIG PUFFY COAT! 

END RANT

Tomorrow, I promise to have something better, I swear.

The Creepy Crawlies Come Out At Night

I would like to share a story with you.  A story that will give you a glimpse into what I have to deal with on a day to day basis.  By the end of this story, you should be well aware of what freaks me out the most, or at least one of my top 10 freak outs. 

I shall give you the moral of the story first..............I HATE BUGS. 

There, I said it.  Anything that has legs and crawls close to the ground.....I hate you!

(Sorry chi-chi, I didn't mean you. You are close to the ground, but not THAT close.)

Now, this little fact was fairly evident one evening as I tried to enter the house. I say tried, because I was accosted at the door.  My very own door.  One that I pay for, with some help, every day as I bust my ass at work.  

As I opened the door I felt something fall on me.  It fell right on the nape of my neck and continued to slide down into my shirt.  I screamed.  I just about ripped the hinges off the door as I fell into the house and began to shed my clothing.  Zippers and buttons and bra and under ware........all strewn on the kitchen floor as I rolled around naked, brushing off whatever had attached to me with the carpet.

"Um?  What are you doing?" Dave asked as he stood over me closely watching my antics. 
"OH MY GOD!  Do you see it?  Can you see a bug on me?" I scream, now hysterical, as I continue to roll around.
"Um.  No."  he answered as he walked away. 

Humph.  As I stand up and begin to collect my clothes.  Must have been a false alarm. 

BUT, I am definitely ready for next time.  That is totally for sure.  Nice dry run Val I say as I pat myself on the butt, er back.  Oh whatever.  Just get your clothes back on and maybe he will forget this ever happened. 

Who is...........

..........Joe the Plumber? 

Can someone answer me this?  I hear Joe the Plumber this and Joe the Plumber that and I have no idea who the hell Joe the Plumber is! 

Is this some skit on SNL?  Mad TV?  WHO IS JOE THE PLUMBER!?!?!?!?!

Guess what I got!

You see it!  You see it! 
Yup.....I finally got an iPod touch!  Isn't she a beauty!  And I'm in L.O.V.E.! 

Now I gotta go.  Have some apps to download! 

The Fog is Lifting

And with all this talk about snot.....let's leave it at that.  I am happy to report that it is no longer a huge concern around here.  (thanks z-pack!)

It seems as if we are back to our day to day life.  School, daycare work and then home.  Chachi is doing great in school.  We haven't had any hotdog stealing lately so thats a plus.  And it wouldn't be a new day with Stink if there wasn't blood or poison control involved.  I did get a new haircut today....and if you're good, you just might get a little peeksy looksy. 

Oh yea, and I promised you a big boy bed pic.  Stink has been doing fantastic.  He gets right into bed and stays until the next morning, for the most part that is....I am not at all saying we haven't had a midnight visit or two.  (But those will have to wait...seems as if a certain little boy is not asleep yet!)

Onto the pics of the hair!

Remember.....Pay It Forward will be announced tomorrow night.  So check back!